Sunday, January 11, 2009

I've Been On Track For Seven Plus Years (and other mind games)

I had a feeling yesterday as if I'd been on track with my eating for a very long time. In reality it was the second day in a row that I stayed within a very generous point allowance. I thought that I might be borrowing from the success of others, most notably Kathy who seems to have achieved a nice steady pace negotiating her own treacherous dietary terrain.That would be the reasoning that I used to finally extricate myself from the burden of having to write The Great American Novel, a task with which I had been burdened from childhood, largely by a father who couldn't forgive himself for not doing it himself. This was in part a result of his being friends with Jack Kerouak. How does one as self critical as my father and with his own literary aspirations look at his own highly edited scribblings with any degree of confidence after his pal has gone On The Road to literary fame? He piles his writings in closets and hopes for a daughter to achieve what he hasn't.

A bit of a digression there (but one I planned). After numbers of years with sporadic attempts to write The GAN, I realized that I didn't have to be a published author after all. Jane Smiley and Ann Tyler and Sue Miller and whole host of others had done it for me. The world simply didn't need a published work from me. Nor did I need to create it.

With this in mind, I began to think of my need to string together three weeks of disciplined eating in order to consider myself on track. And then I had a Eureka-Ah-Hah moment. Kathy had already done at least a week for me. (Thank you, Kathy) I could count this Thursday as the beginning of my second week. And it felt right to me.

I began my second on track week on Thursday, then hurriedly threw on my Weight Watcher dress, the one I always weigh in, for the much anticipated 6:30 p.m.First Weight Watcher Meeting of the New Year. Full of enthusiasm, I quickly waddled to the front door - only to find a note that the meeting was canceled. Canceled?? The first friggin meeting of the friggin New Year! I came home, in the very very cold, actually glad to be entering my nice warm house, glad to not have to listen to a boring lecture, certain that I would persevere because: I was at the start of my second successful week. My eating was on target on Friday and on Saturday. And then came Saturday night, or rather Sunday morning.

I could not fall asleep. Not at midnight, nor half past twelve, nor one a.m. Not even having first ingested a prescription sleeping pill. Finally, at about one thirty a.m., I rose from my bed and went into the kitchen to have some cereal, an off points action that I knew would help me get to sleep. Having eaten (an overly large) bowl of cereal, I pursued the logic of the situation and snagged a well buttered roll. I fell asleep promptly (at around 2:20 a.m.)

This morning, Sunday morning, a fresh start??? Or not?? I felt doomed by last night's gorging. Also, waking up at around 11:30 a.m. didn't feel like an auspicious beginning. And then a Wise Decision hit me like a bolt of lightening (or someone showering me with dozens of rolls of TP): I could have Brunch. A bagel with cream cheese and lox + an orange + milk came to 13 points. A half eaten chicken cattiatore restaurant dinner added at most another 13 points. I'll have some fruit after I've finished writing this. Today will end with me being on track.

I have a new paradigm: I'm reaching out and holding on tightly to that Arlene who, on 10-22-01 began a lifetime of appropriate eating habits that manifested itself in a whole new look 18 months later. There's been a bit of a break in the connection between us. This has resulted in an exterior that looks like a somewhat inflated model of that seen in October 2001. That's an unpleasant detail. I, the Arlene of January, 2009, am claiming a continuity with who I was a little less than six years ago. I don't need three weeks of self discipline to achieve this. As to the cereal eating woman of last night, she is separate from me. I will work with her, but not allow her to impact my daily behavior.

I really wish I could figure out how to get a good night's sleep, though. I've written about that before. Tonight I'm slamming down the antihistamines.

Finally, I don't do well with deprivation. The photos below are of some of the yummy things I'm able to eat and still get rid of the lbs.

I like root veggies. I cooked the ones pictured, except for the sweet potato which I decided not to add, with
enough water to cover them.
Once finished I added salt and harissa, my new favorite ingredient. If I hadn't discovered harissa, I probably would have used an Indian seasoning such as Patak's tikka sauce. This made a wonderful soup which I can have alone or to which I can add ingredients such as the spinach and chicken, apple, garlic sausage in the soup as shown above.


On my day of cooking, I also steamed a large bag of yummy broccoli. I like to munch on it alone or, as in the picture, use it to bulk up a main meal. This is brown rice with chicken (previously marinated and grilled) and roasted almonds.

I also made a thick lentil soup, ten servings which makes five meals for my hubby and me. I usually cook in bulk because, though I enjoy cooking, I don't enjoy it as a daily enterprise.

13 comments:

Kathy said...

Arlene, your post was so full of emotion! I grieved with your father, I stood up to lend strength to my sister in her effort to shed the onus left to her by that same father, I nodded in agreement with your understanding that this is just another curve in the road of the journey that you began back in 2001, I held my breath in anticipation of what you would finally eat during that sleepless night, and I cheered with pride when you wrapped the whole eating experience into a brunch that kept you on-point! I feel I have read an entire adventure novel in one sitting! lol
Warm hugs, friend! We will figure this out or we will die trying, huh?

Mick & Cathy said...

Like you I actually enjoy vegetables which is always a bonus when trying to lose weight. The plate can be filled with them & we know what we are eating is good for me the skill is finding a way to not eat the sugary treats which once I start become addictive.

Sleep is a funny thing and the harder you try the less likely it is to happen.

laughingwolf said...

i agree arlene... i make big batches too, portion the rest and freeze it

that way son can nuke what he wants when he wants, too....

Lorraine said...

You are a writer Arlene. Being slim is fun you get to wear clothes and can go to any shop an you know you'll look good in whatever you buy.For me to go back to the way I was, I'd have to starve, and I don't have the patience or desire to starve again. If I'm lucky I won't gain weight, but pretty much I've decided no diets for me. One day my spirit will move on without my body, and I don't think you need to eat in heaven. So I want to enjoy food now. The question is how to eat what I want without totally overdoing it. That's my aim, not overdoing it.
AND I'm not above popping some night sinus stuff to stop eating lol

new*me said...

I have faith in you! This is all yours this time :) and veggies are the secret weapon for sure!

ArleneWKW said...

Kathy: Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. Also, maybe especially, for the warm hugs.

Mick: Liking veggies is a great help in dealing with our mutual challenge. Sugary treats easily become problematic for me as well.

Laughingwolf: I'm glad that we live in an age of freezers and microwaves.

Lorraine: Thank you so much. I once heard a sermon in which heaven and hell were differentiated in the following way: In both places, people sit across from each other at an infinitely long banquet table on which are trays of the most delectable foods. The foods are too far away for anyone to be able to reach them. At each place setting is a spoon that reaches across the length of the table, far too long to be able to be used to feed oneself. In hell, the people, always on the verge of starvation, stare helplessly at the food. In heaven, the people use the long spoons to feed the neighbor across from themselves.

Annette: Thank you for your comment and your faith.

Lorraine said...

LOL really...never heard that one lol

Anonymous said...

You may not need to write a novel, but you could join some fiction writing groups at Yahoo and maybe write some short stories and have a little fun with it.

Nona said...

All this food looks Yummy!!! I hate cooking except on rare occasions.

Interesting you should mention Jack Kerouak's On the Road. My honey's soon to be published book is inspired by Jack Kerouak's book.

It's called On The Holloway Road and is about two young men who set out on a drive from London to Scotland in an attempt to live spontaneously but discover that the horizons of 2008 Britain are considerably more limited than those of 1950s America.

Anyway, sounds as though you're off to a good start here. Hold steady!!!

{{{Hugs}}}

Nola said...

I think you are already a writer, Arlene. The way you put pen to "paper" amazes me and I am envious.
I haven't met a vegetable I didn't like!! I am going to try your soup recipe...it just sounds delicious. I am sure I can find an Aussie alternative to your spice:)

Lorraine said...

How is it going Arlene...would you believe the Word Verification is:
bowel....seriously lol

Cory said...

I always hate when my usual WW time is cancelled. I spend more time being sure they'll be open when I get there than I do for any of my classes! (Probably all my classes put together since I started college in 2000!)
Good luck on your journey this time. Two weeks on track is better than I've done in a while. But you're quite the inspiration for me to start working hard!

ArleneWKW said...

Al: It's good to see a comment from you again. At first I was confused by your ID as Omega. I'll have to check out your postings on that blog.

Nona: If your honey's book makes it to paperback in the U.S., I'll be sure to check it out. Holding steady has, unfortunately, been difficult.

Nola: Your comment means much to me. I so thoroughly enjoy the quality of your postings and most especially your humor.

Lorraine: hmmmmmmmm.

Cory: The cancellation of the meeting led me back to the idea of doing it on my own. I'm stumbling right now and may or may not return to WW this Thursday. Thanks for your comment.