My friend Gari is reading Painted Ladies, by Robert B. Parker.
"I'm very disappointed in Susan," Gari told me, then read a bit from the book aloud to me. I am repeating the situation and dialogue as best I can from memory.
The situation: An older woman is feeding popcorn to the pigeons in a park. Susan is with her hunky boyfriend and is allowing her dog to chase the pigeons.
"You should control your dog," says the woman.
"Survival of the fittest," says Susan.
"You shouldn't be so flippant," says the woman. Or maybe she says, "Don't be so flippant."
She could have said, "That's a rather flippant response." If she had, would she still have gotten the following response from Susan:
"Kiss my ass."
My question, which Gari and I discussed but came to no good conclusion, is: How can you tell a stranger not to do something - or in this case, to do something: to control her dog - without creating a conflict situation.
Gari and I came up with, "Please please nice lady, will you please keep your dog from chasing the pigeons." We agreed that such obsequiousness was impossibly demeaning.
Maybe "I'd really appreciate it if . . ." would work, but I don't think so.
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4 comments:
sorry, and why wouldn't the dog run around, he loves chasing things and he very rarely catches anything, it's just healthy dog, so I would have told the lady who wants to say wrong, get a dog!
Around here, dogs are supposed to be on a leash in public places, so that would have eliminated the problem in the first place. We have designated dogs parks, which are fenced in areas where the dogs can run and kick up their heels all they want, but the pigeons don't go there!
Regarding Burning Man--I haven't been there, but know people who go regularly. But I'm still wondering what is the THING about it that makes people, such as yourself, become devotees?
I think its virtually impossible to tell a stranger, for them to respond they have to admit they are doing wrong to someone technically with no authority in the situation.
Whether they are wrong or not a defence mechanism kicks in, and response can become abusive.
Lorraine: Interesting. I never thought of it from that angle.
Timoteo: Leash laws in public places with designated dog parks sounds like a good idea. As to the THING about Burning Man, I initially came for the art and ultimately was transformed and drawn by the culture. Burning Man helped me rediscover the joy of creativity that I had as a child. It also brought has enabled (largely introverted) me to be an extrovert when I choose to be one. At its best, it is a culture of generosity, freedom, creativity and openness.
Mick: Your point is an excellent one. It enlightens me with regard to a few less than positive interactions with strangers that I have had in the course of my life.
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