I've Been On Track For Seven Plus Years (and other mind games)

I had a feeling yesterday as if I'd been on track with my eating for a very long time. In reality it was the second day in a row that I stayed within a very generous point allowance. I thought that I might be borrowing from the success of others, most notably Kathy who seems to have achieved a nice steady pace negotiating her own treacherous dietary terrain.That would be the reasoning that I used to finally extricate myself from the burden of having to write The Great American Novel, a task with which I had been burdened from childhood, largely by a father who couldn't forgive himself for not doing it himself. This was in part a result of his being friends with Jack Kerouak. How does one as self critical as my father and with his own literary aspirations look at his own highly edited scribblings with any degree of confidence after his pal has gone On The Road to literary fame? He piles his writings in closets and hopes for a daughter to achieve what he hasn't.

A bit of a digression there (but one I planned). After numbers of years with sporadic attempts to write The GAN, I realized that I didn't have to be a published author after all. Jane Smiley and Ann Tyler and Sue Miller and whole host of others had done it for me. The world simply didn't need a published work from me. Nor did I need to create it.

With this in mind, I began to think of my need to string together three weeks of disciplined eating in order to consider myself on track. And then I had a Eureka-Ah-Hah moment. Kathy had already done at least a week for me. (Thank you, Kathy) I could count this Thursday as the beginning of my second week. And it felt right to me.

I began my second on track week on Thursday, then hurriedly threw on my Weight Watcher dress, the one I always weigh in, for the much anticipated 6:30 p.m.First Weight Watcher Meeting of the New Year. Full of enthusiasm, I quickly waddled to the front door - only to find a note that the meeting was canceled. Canceled?? The first friggin meeting of the friggin New Year! I came home, in the very very cold, actually glad to be entering my nice warm house, glad to not have to listen to a boring lecture, certain that I would persevere because: I was at the start of my second successful week. My eating was on target on Friday and on Saturday. And then came Saturday night, or rather Sunday morning.

I could not fall asleep. Not at midnight, nor half past twelve, nor one a.m. Not even having first ingested a prescription sleeping pill. Finally, at about one thirty a.m., I rose from my bed and went into the kitchen to have some cereal, an off points action that I knew would help me get to sleep. Having eaten (an overly large) bowl of cereal, I pursued the logic of the situation and snagged a well buttered roll. I fell asleep promptly (at around 2:20 a.m.)

This morning, Sunday morning, a fresh start??? Or not?? I felt doomed by last night's gorging. Also, waking up at around 11:30 a.m. didn't feel like an auspicious beginning. And then a Wise Decision hit me like a bolt of lightening (or someone showering me with dozens of rolls of TP): I could have Brunch. A bagel with cream cheese and lox + an orange + milk came to 13 points. A half eaten chicken cattiatore restaurant dinner added at most another 13 points. I'll have some fruit after I've finished writing this. Today will end with me being on track.

I have a new paradigm: I'm reaching out and holding on tightly to that Arlene who, on 10-22-01 began a lifetime of appropriate eating habits that manifested itself in a whole new look 18 months later. There's been a bit of a break in the connection between us. This has resulted in an exterior that looks like a somewhat inflated model of that seen in October 2001. That's an unpleasant detail. I, the Arlene of January, 2009, am claiming a continuity with who I was a little less than six years ago. I don't need three weeks of self discipline to achieve this. As to the cereal eating woman of last night, she is separate from me. I will work with her, but not allow her to impact my daily behavior.

I really wish I could figure out how to get a good night's sleep, though. I've written about that before. Tonight I'm slamming down the antihistamines.

Finally, I don't do well with deprivation. The photos below are of some of the yummy things I'm able to eat and still get rid of the lbs.

I like root veggies. I cooked the ones pictured, except for the sweet potato which I decided not to add, with
enough water to cover them.
Once finished I added salt and harissa, my new favorite ingredient. If I hadn't discovered harissa, I probably would have used an Indian seasoning such as Patak's tikka sauce. This made a wonderful soup which I can have alone or to which I can add ingredients such as the spinach and chicken, apple, garlic sausage in the soup as shown above.


On my day of cooking, I also steamed a large bag of yummy broccoli. I like to munch on it alone or, as in the picture, use it to bulk up a main meal. This is brown rice with chicken (previously marinated and grilled) and roasted almonds.

I also made a thick lentil soup, ten servings which makes five meals for my hubby and me. I usually cook in bulk because, though I enjoy cooking, I don't enjoy it as a daily enterprise.